Christian Child Rearing
Love is the basis of child training. I can selfishly spare myself the pain of spanking my child and send him out into the world unprepared for the natural suffering the world will give him. But an unselfish love realizes that an adjusted child is produced at the cost of pain.
God loves us and chastens. Heb 12:6-8 tells us that. “For whom the LORD loves He chastens and scourges every son whom He receives. 7 If you endure chastening, God deals with you as with sons; for what son is there whom a father does not chasten? 8 But if you are without chastening, of which all have become partakers, then you are illegitimate and not sons.”
I hated using the paddle on my six kids. But because I did not spank them in anger, I could take them in my arms right after spanking them, kiss them, and tell them I loved them, but they had to obey. This is what God demonstrated in Hos 6:1: “Come, and let us return to the LORD; For He has torn, but He will heal us; He has stricken, but He will bind us up.”
Spanking releases guilt. After the rod is used we can completely forget the incident. Fellowship is restored between us as parents and our children. But if, instead, we nag, scold, scream at or yell at, we maintain a hostility towards the child because he has not been corrected.
Anger and hostility is the price we pay for disobeying God by not using the rod consistently as God commands. When the rod is used consistently for the slightest disobedience, it is never associated with anger, because the parent disciplines the child with a patient, loving spirit in obedience to God.
No matter what the offense is the correction should not done in anger. Children are, then, able to understand that this kind of correction is done in love. The rod then becomes a rod of correction and comfort, not abuse. My children witness that they are glad I trained them with the paddle. The pain the rod inflicts on the body now, delivers from the pain the whole person would suffer later in life from a selfish will. Pro 20:30 Blows that hurt cleanse away evil as do stripes the inner depths of the heart.
The Psalmist confirms this truth. Psa 119:67 Before I was afflicted I went astray, but now I keep Your word. Psa 119:71 It is good for me that I have been afflicted that I may learn Your statutes. Psa 119:75 I know, O LORD, that Your judgments are right, and that in faithfulness You have afflicted me.
Discipline teaches self discipline. If we don’t discipline him when he is young, he’ll require
more severe discipline when he is older. When we spank him, he learns to discipline himself to obey. He knows he has a choice, and he chooses the right one if he is disciplined correctly. That’s what the Bible says: Lam 3:25-30 “The LORD is good to those who wait for Him, to the soul who seeks Him. 26 It is good that one should hope and wait quietly for the salvation of the LORD. 27 It is good for a man to bear the yoke in his youth. 28 Let him sit alone and keep silent because God has laid it on him; 29 Let him put his mouth in the dust; There may yet be hope. 30 Let him give his cheek to the one who strikes him and be full of reproach.
There is no tyranny in godly training. God gave us His example. Our relationship to our children should mimic the Father’s relationship to us. His example teaches me the training of my children should be for their good. When my Father chastens me, it is not an angry reaction, it is an action toward me for my good. Notice what it says in Deu 5:29: “Oh, that they had such a heart in them that they would fear Me and always keep all My commandments, that it might be well with them and with their children forever!” Heb 12:10 “For they [human fathers] indeed for a few days chastened us as seemed best to them, but He for our profit, that we may be partakers of His holiness.”
With my youngest two children, most discipline was for arguing with each other. When I disciplined them for this behavior, it wasn’t because they were bothering me. They were usually pretty quiet about it. It was for their own good – to learn how to discuss a problem without fighting. It was a long process of learning.
Inconsistent use of the rod is tyrannical. It’s at our whim. To be consistent is extremely important. What could be more frustrating to a child than to never know what is really expected? It is our inconsistency which provokes and discourages our children. One day we feel stern and punish a certain disobedience. The next day, we’re more mellow or lazy and don’t punish for the same thing. They become provoked to anger, become discouraged, and rebel. God says not to do that: Eph 6:4 “And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord.” Col 3:21 “Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged.”
Discipline with love is obedience to God. Some say, “I tried it but it didn’t work.” But, It’s not debatable. It’s God’s command. You can rest in 2 Sa 22:31 “As for God, His way is perfect; The word of the LORD is proven; He is a shield to all who trust in Him.” And remember Heb 12:11 “Now no chastening seems to be joyful for the present, but painful; nevertheless, afterward it yields the peaceable fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.”
TRAINING AND
ADMONITION
Psa 32:8-9; Eph
6:1-4
1. Training is
different from teaching. Pro 22:6; 1 Sa 2:23-25,29; 3:13
A. Admonition and the rod. Pro 22:15
B. I love him too much to hurt him. Pro 13:24
C. There are other ways of correction. Pro
23:13-14
D. But he shouldn’t be stifled. Pro 29:15
E. He’s too young. Pro 19:18
F. It might cause more rebellion. Pro 29:17
G. But every child is different.
2. Love is the basis
of child training.
A. God loves and chastens. Heb 12:6-8; Hos 6:1
B. Spanking releases guilt. Pro 20:30; Psa
119:67,71,75
C. Discipline teaches self discipline. Lam
3:25-30
3. There is no tyranny in godly training.
A. God gave us His example. Deu 5:29; Heb 12:10
B. Inconsistent use of the rod is tyrannical. Eph
6:4; Col 3:21
4. Discipline with love
is obedience to God. 2 Sa 22:31; Heb 12:11
Eph 6:1-4 Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 2 “Honor your father and mother,” which is the first commandment with promise: 3 “that it may be well with you and you may live long on the earth.” 4 And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord.